Suggested BBC comedy sketch - Post-Reichenbach Fall, Sherlock works as an undercover substitute teacher and meets a certain frustrating studentLauren: Sir?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Yes, Lauren?
Lauren: Can I ask you a question?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Not just now.
Lauren: Can I ask you a question now?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Just wait.
Lauren: But can I just ask you a question? I only want to ask you a question. Can’t I ask you a question? I’m just asking you a question. Can’t I just ask you a question?
Mr. Cumberbatch: What is it?
Lauren: Are you Sherlock?
Mr. Cumberbatch: No shit, I’m not Sherlock.
Lauren: You look like Sherlock Holmes though!
Mr. Cumberbatch: I’m not Sherlock Holmes. I’m your forensics teacher.
Lauren: I don’t think you are though.
Mr. Cumberbatch: Lauren.
Lauren: I think you’re a functioning sociopathic consulting detective.
Mr. Cumberbatch: Listen.
Lauren: Did you just fake your own death?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Don’t be ridiculous.
Lauren: You know your flat, right?
Mr. Cumberbatch: What?
Lauren: You know your flat?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Yeah.
Lauren: Is it shared with a Bafta winner?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Be quiet.
Lauren: Oh, is this not your division?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Can we please get back to forensics?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Thank you. So -
Lauren: Do you fancy Martin Freeman, Sir?
Mr. Logan: Right. You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach!
Lauren: Thank you.
Mr. Logan: You’re pointless, repetitious and extremely dull.
Lauren: A bit like Arthur Conan Doyle.
Lauren: Bothered. Face. This. Bothered?
Mr. Cumberbatch: Lauren -
Lauren: You solve a murder, and I’ll solve your course lessons. I ain’t even bothered. I ain’t bothered. Look, face, bothered. Bothered, face, bothered. I ain’t even bothered. Irene, text messages, I ain’t even bothered.
My detective knows nothing about Earth’s movement around the sun.
Blood is far less red than The Woman’s lips’ red.
If most of the cast be white, why then Molly’s breasts are dun.
If hair be wires, black wires grow on your head.
I have seen blogs damasked, read and white.
But no such posts write John in recent weeks.
And in some Bee Gees tunes is there more delight
than in the breath that from your brother reeks.
I love to hear you speak, yet well I know
that the theme song hath an even more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a homoerotic scene go.
Your flatmate when he walks treads on the ground.
And yet by fandom, I think your love as rare
as any she belied with false compare.
Deduce from me, detective boy!
Mr. Cumberbatch: (Throws a knitted jumper at her, making her look rather like Martin Freeman) Elementary, my dear Lauren.
My goodness. I want to hug the OP.
All the awards to whoever wrote this <D
Someone needs to make a recording of this. STAT.